AYPD second session

The second AYPD session was October 5, 2010.  It was tricky to plan what to do, because we absolutely had to address what happened in the last session, but of the 25 people that were there, only 6 RSVP'd for this night, plus 8 people that weren't there last time.  Here was our short version agenda:

I. How do we make our classrooms safe environments for our students to talk?
II. How do we make our own community a safe place for each of us to talk?
III. How do we make these sessions a safe place for people to share video of their own classroom?

Stamatis started class with this set of x-ray images from the new machines in use at airports.  On the one hand, we may feel safer knowing that there aren't major weapons allowed on airplanes, but on the other hand, we may feel uncomfortable knowing that the TSA is seeing through our clothes.

After some discussion, we had them write privately about an event from their own classroom in which they suspected a student may have felt uncomfortable in a way that interfered with learning, and then had them read Chapter 5 of a Faber and Mazlish book, "How to Talk so Kids Can Learn" (very much in the spirit of "How to Talk So Kids Can Listen and Listen So Kids Can Talk," a book I recommend not only to parents but to pretty much everyone).

In the discussion of III, we of course had last week as a case in point.  We had the teachers who were there tell the teachers who weren't there what they remembered happening (in small groups).  With all the framing of the first 1.5 hours of class, the teachers in the room immediately knew that there had been evaluation of the lesson and that that was not what we wanted to be doing. They knew that would not be safe for them, if it were their turn.  Then we played them the video of the painful two minutes and ouch, there it was, looking pretty bad, and they all winced and said "We really need to not do that." (Serendipitously, the offenders in the video happened to be off camera *and* not present in class the second night, so it was helpfully nonspecific as far as the people who spoke.  Whew.)  Stamatis, who was running tonight's class, explained why he had not called a halt to it at the time -- it was the very end of class, it was providing material for us to negotiate the norms for these discussions, etc.  Then I said, "How about if I explain why I didn't interrupt it, since I was running the discussion that night," and he nodded, and I said.... all of it.  Here's my best recollection:

"I didn't stop it because.... it was me.  It was my classroom, it was my curriculum, I co-wrote the worksheet, it is a published curriculum that was the outcome of a funded project with my University of Maryland colleagues, it's my stuff. The reason I didn't interrupt the discussion was that I was so overwhelmed by what had been said that I couldn't think. I can't believe how calm I look on the video, because at that moment, I was just, 'gaaahhh.'  I just tried to say something that would sound somewhat normal.  But I was totally overwhelmed."

They were very surprised.  Hands went up to thank me and tell me that I was courageous for being so open.  There was a huge vibe in the room that it was very wrong, what had happened, that they really felt for me, and that we needed to take steps together to make sure this kind of thing doesn't happen again.  People said great things about how what we need to do is describe and observe what is on the video, and to really stay away from not only evaluating and judging, but also from speculating about "what might have happened if," etc.  People asked me if I was literally in that classroom on the video and I explained that no, I wasn't, but I was in similar classrooms that year, and I was responsible for training the TAs, so I was really very identified.

I admit, I had been stressing about the second session ever since the first session, and it was such a relief to come out.  I felt like a human being.  I even told them I had had the stack of DVDs ready to give away which I had quietly put back in their box.  Now, I feel bonded to them.  They know me now, in a way I have not been known up to this point.  I don't feel worried about my legitimacy so much now.

Also I think it was an incredibly powerful basis for establishing norms for future discussion.  No way is anyone who was there going to stand for (what we now recognize as) hurtful talk.  Those who were there agreed that they had a special responsibility to convey this important consensus to the people who weren't there tonight.  What better outcome?

Eventually, we even talked about the critiques themselves, and how they actually were not terrible suggestions, really worth considering, if they could be restated in a way that did not completely shut down the hearer.

The only bummer is that when I went to collect my cameras, there were dead batteries all over the place, in multiple microphones.  It might be that we lost the audio.  I still don't know, because haven't caught up on the video processing yet.